It’s kind of like when I first heard about the Beanzawave. I feel like I’ve seen the future and I can’t wait to get my hands on it! And if my future is anything like that of a desk-top microwave designed solely to cook a can of beans, then it’s no wonder that I feel like I got ants in my jorts.

In fact, I was feeling so antsy, that I checked my jorts for wildlife. All clear. Which means, THE FINAL COUNTDOWN TO CHILE HAS OFFICIALLY BEGUN! By Thursday night I’ll be sipping Malbec out of a box in a sh*tty hostel. Life is grand!

But seriously, it’s all 100 percent real now. I’m pretty much moved out, I’m done packing and I even paid the remainder of my tuition fee for my Spanish-language classes. Moreover, I found out where and who I’ll be living with in my October homestay: They are Juana, Nancy and Catalina, aged 73, 52 and 11, respectively. Yes, like Brendan Fraser’s lovely portrayal of a caveman in the epic drama Encino Man, I am the missing link, at least generationally. Let’s hope, however, Abuela Juana doesn’t introduce herself as “Weasel.” Although, that would mean grandma is a pretty avid jorts fan…

Early '90s Pauly Shore shout-out for the win!

Early '90s Pauly Shore shout-out for the win!

In short(s), aside from a load of laundry, moving a few packing crates, watching a few more episodes of The Wire and being on the phone with Verizon for three more hours while people in India transfer me around to 12 different customer service representatives just so I can say, “Please, for the love of beef, just cancel my service!” my work in DC is done.

Yep, the nervousness is gone and now I’m just anxious to get the hell out of here. After all, no more work to do in DC means my work in Santiago is only just beginning.

First task: Get a Beanzawave that works on 220 Volts, alternating at 50 cycles per second!

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