Dear Young Man Taking a Break from Making Out with Your Girlfriend,

Some say it’s business up front and party in the back. Oh, but not I. Instead, I call your coiffure art. Indeed, sir, you did not grow your mullet — or as they say en español, your chocopanda — you achieved it. This, dear señor, is the Chupacabra of chocopandas, except you are not a myth.

Indeed. Thank you for allowing your mullet ringlets to cascade down your back like a glorious waterfall. I am in awe.