For those unlucky enough to have read my brand of idiot-savant-esque drivel over at The Anti DC, you may remember a little segment I did called outfit amour-propre, which was basically me writing about how awesome my ensembles were. Duh.

Well, I didn’t really plan to revise that on this particular journey, as I only had a limited amount of space to pack said awesome ensembles, but after venturing out of doors today dressed like, well, a Shambles P.I. victim, I felt I had very little choice but to come clean on my self-recognized regression into fashion disaster-dom.

Seriously, what the f*ck is that?

I’m dressed like a butch lesbian big game hunter.

I mean, really, who else besides a butch lesbian big game hunter and, well, me, apparently, would simultaneously don a camo hat, a pair of newly purchased Gortex hiking boots and a shirt, which just so happens to boast an image of a postmortem elk wearing a chain of gold feathers on it? (Oh, Japanese designers, what will you think to print on a T-shirt next?)

As if being a gringa who seems about the height of a Harlem Globetrotter wasn’t enough to make me feel a bit self-conscious. Now, I went and made it eleventy times worse by dressing like a complete asshole. All that’s missing is a crossbow, although I’m assuming most people probably thought I had one as several ducked and cowered in fear as I tromped by in my heavy-duty footwear. Yes, tromped; I’ve had to shelve my usual devil-may-care saunter to navigate in these cinderblocks.

But beggars can’t be fashionable choosers on the road. And until the laundry lady gets back to me with my 2.5 kilos of less murder-ready clothing that she’s amazingly agreed to wash, dry and fold for the extremely reasonable price of $3.00, I really have nothing else to wear.

(That’s a lie!)

In all honesty, I suppose I could’ve shelved the hardcore sh*t-kickers in favor of, um, Tevas (oh my God, I am so ashamed right now for having just said that…), but considering I’ll be using these bad boys to hike the entire Inca Trail in a couple of weeks and hopefully Cotopaxi in December, I figure I better start breaking them in now. Blisters are never in style. (Oh snap!)

But alas, while this may seem a trivial point to anyone without an OCD-like dedication to outfit planning and implementing, to me this is a pretty damn big deal. Why? Because I’ve just done what I never thought I could — I chose function over form. Indeed, hell just got a little bit colder today. But my feet didn’t! Zoinks!

Functional outfit details: Hat — Russian Army issue; T-Shirt — Uniqlo; Jeans — Habitual; Hiking Boots — Patagonia.

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