With just a day left of 2009, I thought I’d take a moment to relive my year for you on the Web. Well, some of it.

OK. None of it.

But not because I don’t want to remember. Oh no! That’s not it at all! Who wouldn’t want to forget that one time I _____ all over my _____ who was all like, “What the ____ did you ____ and how did that ____ even get over to the ____ to ____ all that in time? I had no idea you liked turtles so much.” Ha! Good times!

But for real, the true reason I won’t be e-reminiscing this year is twofold, because: 1) who cares? (Even my narcissism knows a limit); and 2) let’s face it, at some point I’m going to want to work again.* And, actually, speaking of, that dream might be becoming a reality. In fact, I’ll be flying back to the States temporarily to start interviewing in the middle of January before heading back to … (dun, dun, nab!) … Colombia!

Indeed, it turns out I’ve decided to spend a larger chunk of time trying not to be kidnapped here in 2010 than I first originally planned. I’ll be based in Bogotá in February and (probably) March, but will definitely be taking some time to do a little exploring here and there. (Cartegena beach vacation, here I come!)

Until then, however, I’ll probably be spending most of my time in Medellín, the land of child hookers and potent glue. Yet despite that description, I’ve really enjoyed my time here. I’ve used it to do nothing remotely cultural and simply relax, which is something a girl really needs after barfing all over a volcano. Four times. I mean, that takes a lot out of you. Literally. ZING!

Yet here I am talking like my time in Medellín is over! Blasphemy! In fact, taking like that about the place I’m going to ring in the New Year is almost as blasphemous as telling children that instead of elves, it’s the “Baby Jesus” who gets the Christmas presents to Santa, the endomorphic delivery man. Call it outrageous, but this brand of Catholicism is much more fun than that of the Vatican who would cut Saint Nick out altogether. Such weightists…

Anyway, as I say farewell to 2009, a year full of some of the biggest highs (although not from glue) and lows of my life, a year in which I was coincidentally reminded that life is getting increasingly shorter as I turned 30, a year that began in an unhappy desk job and ended with an entirely new perspective on my career, a year that unexpectedly spanned the better part of two continents, a year that introduced me to the edible gnarliness known as the completo, mullets you achieve and, well, myself, I wave goodbye to 2009 with a small sense of nostalgia and a larger sense of relief. (Well, I’ll be damned. Apparently my narcissism knows less bounds than originally thought. I even tri-hyphenated a word to fit in all my e-memories…)

But alas, sometimes you need a year of shambles to foresee a year that will suck up success like a ShamWow does cola from a carpet. FLASHBACK TO 2008!

And in 2010, a new decade no less, I plan to make like a SlapChop and truly love my nuts.

Indeed, here’s to all of us loving our nuts and having an exciting tuna next year! Or whatever. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

*For said reason, I have (at least temporarily) rendered The Anti DC (e-R.I.P.) invited-readers only. If you’d like to be invited, send me an email.