As always, even as my life continues to become a rotating series of infinite ridiculousness, I’m still trying to look at the brightside of things. For one, I’ve had an enormous amount of time to watch the E! channel.

Um, hmm.

Now, while that might sound like a very un-bright thing (and if Keeping Up with the Kardashians is on it most certainly is), I assure you, E! has its purposes. For example, it’s proven to be quite educational for me (and not just because it’s taught me that I in no way ever want to keep up with the Kardashians). Instead, it’s taught me that celebrities really like giving themselves awards.

In the last three weeks alone, the Golden Globes, the SAG Awards and the Grammys all occurred. I may be forgetting some others, you’ll have to forgive me, but ever since I started watching E!, I’ve lost the ability to count past three.

But my lack of basic math skills aside, these self-congratulatory celebrity circle jerks are worth the watch.

Actually, I better clarify. I could care less about the actual awards. And as far as I know, SAG stands for Suspended Ass Grab (at least that’s how I’ve always used it). Instead I watch these shows because of the fashion. It’s freakin’ hilarious!




Seriously. These award shows are a virtual lookbook of what not never to wear. Or at least what never to wear to a televised event. On the other hand, if it’s Halloween and you want to dress up like one of those homemade knit cozies your grandma puts over extra toilet paper rolls or an elementary snowflake art project gone horribly goth or just a whore who forgot to put clothes on then, well, these stars nailed it. However, if you’re trying not to look like an asshole, you might not want go a different direction.

Luckily for my eyes and respect for humanity-at-large, one person did. And, actually, she dressed so well that she managed to make up for all the above (and many more to go unmentioned) atrocities. Behold, Kate Hudson in Pucci:

Ah, faith restored. That bitch’s sh*t is tight! In fact, so tight is that bitch’s sh*t, that she’s inspired me to rekindle my love of outfit invention, which, quite regrettably, I was forced to flush down the proverbial counter-clockwise-flushing toilet as I found myself hobo-ing around South America for the last few months. But now that I’m back — with a mysterious illness to boot! — my imaginary tapeworm Steve and I intend to make 2010 the year of backless garments and overexposed photos.

And while this simple off-white T-shirt isn’t quite as dramatic as Hudson’s multi-thousand-dollar gown version, I’ll remind you that I’m still a hobo. Baby steps. My imaginary tapeworm Steve, on the other hand, that player is a showstopper.