And yes, I am most definitely wearing a bathrobe because, indeed, this is the exact opposite of a black-tie event. Stay tuned…if you hate yourself. 🙂

11:00 am — Holy sh*t. I’m already behind.

11:01 am — Barbara Walters won some award in Chile? Behar is jealous. Sherri is confused. Whoopi doesn’t care. And Hasselbeck is cross-eyed.

11:04 — Jenny Sanford, the wife who left her cheating, disgusting, gnarly man, is the subject du jour. Although, of course, although nasty, her husband did cross out the “I’ll be faithful to you” line in the wedding vows. So, really, her bad…although still. That guy is a douche. On another note, Barbara’s soft lighting is making her look a young 70 compared to her usual 94.

11:06 — I’m bored.

11:10 — Phew. Made it to the first commercial break. And trust me, this Macy’s commercial is a welcome respite to having to hear Behar’s voice.

11:11 — Oh my! There’s a new Canadian-style Beggin’ Strip for your dog! Is it wrong that it looks delicious?

11:13 — The View is back. And…OH…MY…GOD! WHYYYYY????!!!!!! It’s a segment about Sherri Shepard’s ass! MEIN EYES! This deserves no less than a reaction from Family Guy’s Bruce: OH NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

11:16 — “I like balls.” — Sherri Shepard

11:18 — Oh, thank God. Jamie Foxx is coming up. The View makes me only want to respect men.

11:24 — Actively hoping Jamie Foxx will slap a bitch.

11:26 — Indeed, Jamie Foxx’s sex jokes are making Barbara feel a bit horny uncomfortable.

11:31 — This interview is incredibly dull so I will talk about a dream I had last night. I was in an old Cadillac driving to Mexico when a meteorite fell into the backseat. I woke up after that. And yes, while that may sound rather dull, it’s still better than this interview.

11:32 — When Jamie Foxx sings he kinda does that thing with his lips that he used to do on In Living Color.

11:35 — Has never been so excited for advertisements. This is the hardest writing exercise I’ve ever agreed to do in my life.

11:39 — Amanda Seyfried is talking about a history of panic attacks. I would not blame her if she had one right now. I’m having one right now.

11:40 — Seriously. These interviews are so boring, except when Whoopi just made it awkward by asking Amanda why there aren’t any black people on the cover of the Young Hollywood edition of Vanity Affair. Thank you for that moment, Whoopi. And also, good point. Where’s the chick from Precious? She’s the only young actress nominated for an Oscar. Racists!

11:44 — Yum. That commercial for Chex Mix was very effective.

11:46 — Double yum. That commercial for Ritz crackers was also very effective.

11:48 — But, actually, I’m still thinking about those Canadian-style Beggin’ Strips…

11:49 — F*CK. Now they’re interviewing Kevin McKidd from Grey’s Anatomy. At least he’s wearing a very shiny shirt that I can stare at for entertainment.

11:51 — I don’t even know what they’re talking about. But that’s OK because, between McKidd’s shiny shirt and his Scottish accent, my brain is kind of at its mental limit anyway.

11:54 — Six minutes left…six minutes left…hoping 30 seconds of that is filled up with that awesome Beggin’ Strips commercial again…

11:57 — A little bit amazed that this exists: The Potty Dance, which I’ll assume was written and performed by Pedo and the Files. And with only three minutes left in the hour, I think this might be the last update. I couldn’t have asked for a better ending than The Potty Dance, which kind of sums up where The View belongs.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go cry. Have a good weekend!

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