I said, “A cab ain’t nothin’ but a ho on wheels!”

And I’ll keep saying it because in the last 48 hours since I first heard that epic sentence, it’s penetrated my vocabulary in just about every imaginable instance.

For example, say I’m at Chipotle gettin’ my beans on. And then, in a move that I’m pretty sure only exists in the legume vortex of the Columbia Heights location, the cashier politely gives me my change and says, “Thank you!” I say, “No problem. A cab ain’t nothin’ but a ho on wheels.”

Or maybe I’m over at The Passenger retrieving the phone I left there the night before in a fit of mind-blowing shambles having found out there’s actually a better place in DC to drink than the isolation of my panic room. The bartender gives me some delicious cucumber martini and says, “Tell me what you think.” I sip then answer, “A cab ain’t nothin’ but a ho on wheels.”

Perhaps, I win a game of chess. “A cab ain’t nothin’ but a ho on wheels!”

I eat a salad. “A cab ain’t nothin’ but a ho on wheels!”

I take out the garbage. “A cab ain’t nothin’ but a ho on wheels.”

I alight a bus. “A cab ain’t nothin’ but a ho on wheels.”

I watch this video:



“ZOMFG! A CAB AIN’T NOTHIN’ BUT A HO ON WHEELS!” And, “Holy sh*t-twizzle! That Russian sure knows how to work a battle-axe on ice!” (Yeah, you’re gonna want to watch that video.)

So, basically, what I’m getting at is, “A cab ain’t nothin’ but a ho on wheels,” is possibly the most perfect phrase in the English language.

But, of course, there’s a story behind it. Unfortunately, it’s not mine. But it is a close friend’s, which means it might as well be mine to tell. However, because I’m so eager to get back to saying, “A ho ain’t nothin’ but a cab on wheels,” I’m going to condense the greatness of her recounting of the events into a paraphrased mini-play.

Cabbie: “What you doing out so late, girl?”

Friend: “Just getting out of work, actually.”

Cabbie: “I see. I was hoping you’d be a little tipsy.”

Friend: “Um…”

Cabbie: “You know, so something more exciting could go on in this cab.”

Friend: “Uh, like date rape?”

Cabbie: “You pick up a girl on a weekend night. She just got out the party. That’s when things go down! All the other taxi drivers know what I’m talking about.” [wink]

Friend: “Seriously? How often does this go down?”

Cabbie: “More often than you’d think.”

Friend: “Well, I’ll be damned.”

Cabbie: “A cab ain’t nothin’ but a ho on wheels!”

End scene.

And this, e-friends, is why it’s worthwhile to talk to strangers. It’s also a reason to learn how to roll out of a moving vehicle because…A CAB AIN’T NOTHIN’ BUT A HO ON WHEELS!

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